Friday, May 31, 2002 | 12:32 a.m.

mouse watch:
i had a weird dream about them last night. that they had the ability to teleport. they kept disappearing and then reappearing all over my room. especially relm. she'd wait until i got close and then teleport some other place.

Friday, May 31, 2002 | 12:24 a.m.

BLUE You give your love and friendship unconditionaly. You enjoy long, thoughful conversations rich in philosophy and spirituality. You are very loyal and intuitive. Find out your color at Stvlive.com!

wow ... so true. hmmm nothing about modesty though hehe :)

Tuesday, May 28, 2002 | 7:02 p.m.

i've felt shitty all day. i've tried not to think about it but i can't help it. and i know i deserve to feel this way. you know that feeling you get? you're stomach's all in knots and you feel like you're about to throw up. part of me just wants to hear from him and know how much he hates me.

weird closure.

Tuesday, May 28, 2002 | 3:06 a.m.

three years ago.... you tell one lie. you tell another lie to get out of it. and then another and another. and then it consumes you. by then it's too late to get out without hurting anyone.

but it only matters because you realize you really care about them. like seriously care and you want the best for them. but the lies have to stop. and unconditional love is one-sided. and you debate which is better. truth or just disappearing. you opt for disappearing. but from who? not yourself. you can never escape what you did.

i'm sorry, brandon.

Sunday, May 26, 2002 | 2:30 a.m.

wingd-ism #082: how i hate beautiful people sometimes. and how i long to be one of them equally.

Saturday, May 25, 2002 | 5:20 p.m.

link: random guestbook signing week | may 18 - 25, 2002

i thought it was the cutest thing. such a cool idea. wish i heard about it sooner to blog it. there's still time.

Saturday, May 25, 2002 | 2:56 a.m.

this was too funny not to blog:

"FleetWeAk: ATTN: Visting Sailors, USMC, USAF & Army (Uniform Required). I'm a VGL, discreet, sexy, horny boy living not far from Pier 86. All you boys passing me on the street all day is driving me crazy! I'm fantasizing about being alone in my bedroom with one of you young and GL men. Hit me up and let's see if we can help eachother out! If I don't answer right away, email or AIM: hott****@aol.com No fat or ugly guys please. Thanks"

Thursday, May 23, 2002 | 9:22 p.m.

maybe what i feel is really drained. and not specifically distant and distracted. i'm too confused to tell though. i'm going to bed early tonight.

Thursday, May 23, 2002 | 8:26 p.m.

unpublished"...and when he looks at me ... he'll look right through me. and most times he wouldn't have to say anything. he'll just look at me and i'll know what he's thinking. i'll know that he cares about me. and his smile would be incredibly intoxicating.

he'll be strong. his body will be average. not perfect. he won't be a gym rat. he'll care about his body enough to maintain it sensibly. we'll take turns being lazy and then active. he'll love cartoons and video games. he'll love south park. he'll be smart but not cocky. he won't be easily impressed by anything but silly little things. he'll be easily amussed. more so than i. he'll have a dog. or not. if he doesn't, he'll love dogs anyway. he'll love kids more than i do to keep balance. he'll like being barefoot and his favorite clothes would be jeans and a t-shirt. he'll own a ratty old baseball cap. he'll look good in a suit but he'll hate wearing them.

he'll connect me to a lot of music he listens to. he'll do stuff like make a cd and mail it to me instead of giving me in person. maybe not even a full cd. maybe just two songs he heard during the day and thought i'd like. he'll be random like that. mail me new york city postcards with messages like 'wish you were here on 42nd and 8th @ noon so we could laugh at the tourists together.'"

- the guy

Thursday, May 23, 2002 | 7:40 p.m.

i feel weird and distracted. not just a little distracted. what's distracting me? i honestly have no idea. but my thoughts are just all scattered and darting around. i feel much more aloof than i usually am. like, even right now. every couple seconds i stop typing and look out the window or around my room. and it's not because i don't know what to write.

ugh! i just did it again. i don't know if it's because i haven't been able to work on anything lately. it's just strange and it's bothering me. people message me online and i can barely focus to talk to them.

my friend edi sent me four emails. i want to reply but i haven't. and it's not because i don't have the time. clearly i do. the fuck is wrong with me? how do i fix it?

Thursday, May 23, 2002 | 7:32 p.m.

link: spear toss

i totally suck at it. my highest score so far is 488.774
...got the link from jimbo

Thursday, May 23, 2002 | 6:48 p.m.

randomguy**: hey
wingd_pony: hello
randomguy**: asl
randomguy**: ?
wingd_pony: old enough to hate that question :)
randomguy**: so what do you look like
wingd_pony: like a person who's very bored and needs to go for a walk

...he wasn't too quick on the uptake

Thursday, May 23, 2002 | 3:42 p.m.

momus
finnegan the folk hero

in a field of corn
is a master's shoe
click the master's shoe
there's a blue-tailed fly
click a blind man's foot
see a horse's tail
it's down to finnegan
the folk hero of html

this is the tale
of a clever sod
html
was his gift from God
he slaved all night
coding the master's site
never paid a cent
what was his by rights

how the website burns
since finnegan fell!
let's pray that he returns
from web designer hell
he's the only one can fix it
fix it good and well
finnegan, the folk hero of html

he could stream quicktime
he could code in flash
he could make your icons dance with java
then empty out your trash
but finnegan's dead
rotted clean away
because the bastard master
never gave him any pay

how the bastard yells
cos the website's down
when he taps his URls
all he gets is '404 not found'
by the coffee machine
screaming finnegan's name
but the folk hero is dead
and there is no-one left to blame

we've lost our shirts
now finnegan's gone
if he had got his just deserts
we could've been cracking merrily on
cos there was just one man could fix it
fix it good and well
that's finnegan, the folk hero of html

when the web is quiet
on a moonlit night
there is phantom code
on the master's site
some say it's spiders
or a bot from hell
like hell! it's finnegan, the folk hero of html

Wednesday, May 22, 2002 | 6:43 p.m.

link: movie petition

too funny! such a dumbass!

link from kickass james

Wednesday, May 22, 2002 | 1:25 p.m.

link: thongs for the kiddies

abercrombie & fitch need to stop. really.

someone posted the link on craigslist forum

Wednesday, May 22, 2002 | 12:06 a.m.

FLEET WEEK!

....starts tomorrow. well, today actually. cute navy boys walking all over the city and getting drunk. like last time. so i'll be in the city. a lot!

Tuesday, May 21, 2002 | 11:04 p.m.

... so close. so close i can taste it. supposedly by next week i should be holding a new apple 14 inch ibook in my hands. i'm excited, i don't even know what to do. i don't think i've ever been this excited over computer hardware before. even with my other laptop. probably because there wasn't much taunting. i came back from the park one afternoon and saw boxes from dell.

i think it's a big deal because it's a mac. i've always wanted a mac. was never able to afford one (still can't since i'm not paying for this). it'll be really cool though. hmmm i have to think of a name for her. i'm not calling her murphy 4.

Tuesday, May 21, 2002 | 10:55 p.m.

eskobar
(featuring heather nova)
someone new

so is it goodbye?
is it time to set you free?
is it time to let it fly?
is it time to let it bleed

we used to take turns
to cover up the pain
deep below it burns
and the feeling still remains

you're gonna find someone new
i really hope you do
'cause i love you
and the sun will come on thru,
it's gonna shine for you
'cause i adore you

yes we gave it a try
but maybe for too long
out of every sorrow
another day will dawn

you're gonna find someone new
i really hope you do
'cause i love you
and the sun will come on thru,
it's gonna shine for you
'cause i adore you

and the road travels on
but i'm still near you
in my life, like a song
i will still hear you
still

you're gonna find someone new
i really hope you do
'cause i love you

you're gonna find someone new
i really hope you do
'cause i love you
and the sun will come on thru,
it's gonna shine for you
'cause i adore you

you're gonna find someone new
i really hope you do
'cause i love you
and the sun will come on thru,
it's gonna shine for you
'cause i adore you

sun will shine for you
sun will shine for you
'cause i adore you

sun will shine for you
sun will shine for you
'cause i adore you

sun will shine for you
sun will shine for you
'cause i adore you

sun will come for thru
sun will come for thru
'cause i adore you

Monday, May 20, 2002 | 3:37 p.m.

Did you know... < that > 05/20 12:23:23

in Pennsylvanian German there is a word to describe the little bits of shit that cling to the hairs on your ass? The word is... Arschgnoddel

Isn't it great!

http://forums.newyork.craigslist.org/?ID=1477902

...from craigslist: new york forum

link: spank the monkey!
yeah baby!

...from jimbo

Friday, May 17, 2002 | 10:06 a.m.

fact #058: all the good ones live in canada.

Monday, May 13, 2002 | 1:30 p.m.

link: david sedaris esquire article

have to read it later.

Monday, May 13, 2002 | 1:24 a.m.

link: craigslist - unemployed adventures

i feel like signing up. since i can't really do anything because my laptop's broken. :)

Sunday, May 12, 2002 | 4:16 p.m.

i'm a hamster.
what kinda pet are you?

quiz made by muna.

Sunday, May 12, 2002 | 1:49 a.m.

i'm tired of being so broken all the time. and not being able to mend myself. or not having what i feel i need to be mended. or not having ...period.
i've been a little selfish lately but i feel it's important. i'm no one's savior and it's time i stop giving people the impression i am. or i can be. i can't save you. i can't even save myself. i can't be around someone who's sad when sadness is the thing i'm trying to escape. i can't be around someone's whose sadness doesn't fade in sleep like mine often does. it sounds selfish and mean, i know. but i need to save myself. be my own savior.

....i'm sorry.

Sunday, May 12, 2002 | 12:57 a.m.

i feel spacy. i also feel like crying. i'm listening to bjork. i love her.

it's just so incredibly easy to bring me down.

Saturday, May 11, 2002 | 11:46 p.m.

mazzy star
into dust

still falling
breathless and on again
inside today
beside me today
around broken in two
'till you eyes shed
into dust
like two strangers
turning into dust
'till my hand shook with the way i fear

i could possibly be fading
or have something more to gain
i could feel myself growing colder
i could feel myself under your fate
under your fate

it was you breathless and tall
i could feel my eyes turning into dust
and two strangers turning into dust
turning into dust

Saturday, May 11, 2002 | 2:55 a.m.

link: cannon powershot a10 digital camera

...i changed my mind. this is the one i want. seriously.

Saturday, May 11, 2002 | 1:57 a.m.

wingd-ism #098: blogs are like just masturbating. instant gratification. full journal entries are more like sex.

Saturday, May 11, 2002 | 1:34 a.m.

what's with Hotmail lately?
the spam is ridiculous. i mean ...5 emails in one day telling me about britney spears' hard core video is a little much, no? i wouldn't be interested even if they replaced 'britney spears' with ... say ..'josh hartnett'. i mean, who really falls for this crap anyway? what idiot would rush and click the link in some email from someone they don't even know? who truly believes that after a good game of tennis, anna kournikova likes to '--->>>get fucked hard<<<---' on a webcam? and if she did, what would her publicists say?

Friday, May 10, 2002 | 5:02 p.m.

second orgasm for the day. it's about time i actually do some work now.

Friday, May 10, 2002 | 1:33 a.m.

link: personal ad - vaginal smoking

...can you really control your muscles that well? and how exactly does that work? i'm still trying to figure it out.

Thursday, May 09, 2002 | 11:20 p.m.

yah ... well it's too late. it's too late. the sadness has already seeped in.

Thursday, May 09, 2002 | 10:44 p.m.

randomguy**: hi; what;'s up
wingd_pony: not much. what about you?
randomguy**: just got online, but am horny as hell
randomguy**: how bout u
wingd_pony: that was me a few hours ago. then i had amaaaaaaazing phone sex with a guy from ... hmmm ... where was he from again? i dunno but it was great, man!

didn't get a reply after that. wonder why. *sigh*

Thursday, May 09, 2002 | 10:25 p.m.

wingd-ism #013: to be a prostitute, you need certain resources. i don't even have those resources.

Thursday, May 09, 2002 | 10:16 p.m.

"i've been waiting for my brilliance to shine through
like waiting would do
i've been called a little coward more than once
it hurts when it's true
i've been following your footprints in the snow
trying to return the excuses that i stole"

kent - stop me june (little ego)

Thursday, May 09, 2002 | 10:02 p.m.

walls are good.
"the weight of my words
you can't feel it anymore..."

Wednesday, May 08, 2002 | 12:15 a.m.

heat = migraines = ugh! = *sob*

Monday, May 06, 2002 | 10:06 a.m.

*69

"...we're sorry, this feature cannot be activated because the crazy bitch who called at three in the morning is outside your cost calling area."

Thursday, May 02, 2002 | 3:03 a.m.

i just rediscovered craig's list. i used this site last year while trying to find an apartment. hoping they might have a cool job listing on there. it's pretty cool site.

Thursday, May 02, 2002 | 1:58 a.m.

... look at it! *sigh* it's not that i just want it. it's because i need it! badly! don't they see that? how long has it been now? since late february. i swear they like toying with me. people have built cities faster.

Thursday, May 02, 2002 | 1:38 a.m.

i'm in a crappy mood. my rent's not paid. i feel nothing but pressure. this is definitely one of those times i feel like just borrowing some money from someone, anyone ...and get a plane ticket out of here. just throw in the towel. i'm tired of fighting. i seriously am.

i did nothing. all day long. all frickin day! whenever i think i'm a good slacker, i realize i'm not! i like doing work. i like feeling i'm getting things accomplished. and lately ...i've been doing crap! i'm tired of it and i'm tired of things not changing. yet, as i type this, i know things are changing. like, for instance ...jake should be signing his contract with his publishers. and who's illustrating his new books? yah, me! and it'll be a ton of frickin work and i'll be going out of my mind. but i can't shake this feeling of worthlessness right now. and i hate it.

another thing making me feel like shit is the fact that my journal's anniversay's coming up. i'll have had this online for two full years in a few days and i can't even update the stupid thing. pisses me off.