Sunday, March 31, 2002 | 2:21 a.m.

...and sometimes it's better that way.

Sunday, March 31, 2002 | 2:15 a.m.

sometimes i meet some halfway cool guy. and we start talking. and then i think something like 'why even bother?' and i stop. i just stop and forget about even trying. just like that. and i wonder if i'm not programmed to avoid people.

....even when they seem interested in getting to know me.

Saturday, March 30, 2002 | 4:07 p.m.

tori amos
losing my religion (cover)

me
me
me in the corner
me in the spotlight
losing my religion
thought that i heard you laughing
thought that i heard you sing
i think i saw you try
nanana hey

consider this
consider the lengths that i would go to
the slip that brought me to my knees
and i don't know if i can do it
oh now i said too much
i set it up
i thought that i heard you laughing
i thought that i heard you sing
ooh nanana
hey

life is bigger
bigger than you and you are not me
the lengths that i would go through
hey now i said too much
i set it up
i think i saw you try

it's me
me
me in the corner
oooh
losing my religion trying to keep an eye on you
and i don't know if i can do it
oh no i said too much
i set it up

thought that i heard you laughing
thought that i heard you sing aha
losing my religion
it's me
it's me
thought i heard you sing

Saturday, March 30, 2002 | 1:51 a.m.

vicky and i have been talking about ways to kill yourself. the thing is, if you don't do it and you're saved. you're known as the idiot who couldn't die.

pills are stupid. if you don't die, you'll be incredibly sick. and there's the stomach pump thing.

slitting wrists. poetic. but you just bleed ...and bleed. and someone finds you and you have the scars.

jumping from a building or so. windows don't usually open when you're high up. probably for that very reason. and the ones that do call a lot of attention to yourself.

carbon monoxide poisoning. peaceful.

Saturday, March 30, 2002 | 12:47 a.m.

fact #048: trust me. there's always room for more complication.

Friday, March 29, 2002 | 11:50 p.m.

i miss my diary:

unpublished"...and i'm tired. i'm so tired of it always being like this. i'm so tired of listening to mazzy star before going to bed. i'm tired of feeling sad. i've felt sad pretty much 3/4 of my life so far. it's never half and half. i'm tired of always expected to be responsible. and i'm tired of coming off as a shallow, self absorbed brat when i say these things. i really am."

Friday, March 29, 2002 | 7:48 p.m.

i'm starting to hate all my fuckin' weekends. like seriously hate them. fridays are now just generally hell and i'd be better off staying in bed. just never getting out. no music, no computer, no food. just lay there all friday. don't answer the phone. don't go downstairs to pick up my paper. just lay there. in bed. all fuckin' friday.

i hate everybody right now. including the one i see in the pale reflection of my window.

Friday, March 29, 2002 | 2:06 a.m.

...one for the road:

randomguy**: i need a big cock to sucj
randomguy**: suck
wingd_pony: try your thumb and go to sleep
randomguy**: can't
randomguy**: it just doesn't have the same feel
wingd_pony: well it's the same size as some of the cocks in here

Friday, March 29, 2002 | 1:53 a.m.

link: josh's site

i love his artwork

Friday, March 29, 2002 | 1:48 a.m.

take free enneagram test

Friday, March 29, 2002 | 1:33 a.m.

fact #035: i was a california blonde in all my past lives.

Friday, March 29, 2002 | 12:40 a.m.

randomguy**: ido (he responded to my "anybody wanna ... fuck ... .or have an itelligent conversation?" message i posted in the room)
wingd_pony: how's it going?
randomguy**: fine
wingd_pony: good to hear
randomguy**: ia m open for sex
wingd_pony: cool. i'm ... well ... not. i'm very much closed for sex right now. check back tomorrow between the hours of 10am to 6pm

Friday, March 29, 2002 | 12:12 a.m.

randomguy**: in tenn we don't have an accent....it called a southern drawl....
wingd_pony: but it's cute
randomguy**: yes i like it....
randomguy**: of coarse if you dont want to hear me talk you can always fill my mouth with something.....lol
wingd_pony: like a sock?

Thursday, March 28, 2002 | 11:59 p.m.

i'm evil tonight and i can't seem to stop.

Thursday, March 28, 2002 | 10:20 p.m.

i always think i'm a big internet junkie. that is, until i watch tv. my love for tv always overpowers the internet. and when i get my ibook, my love for dvd's may overpower both tv and the 'net.

i'm tired. i've done nothing all day but i'm tired and i'm going to bed much earlier than i usually do. i did last night because i had a headache. i sort of feel tired of humans right now. and tired of myself for not doing more. i left the apartment once today. to buy bread and water at the corner store. the weather's perfect. i'll start going to the park again.

i miss my diary. writing just isn't the same on this laptop. probably because it's not mine. a lot of people have asked what happened. if i really do get the ibook over the weekend, i'll have to get my files off my hard drive next week. and i'll be able to update. i just don't want my dates mixed up. or update now and then have to delete the entries so i can post the ones i wrote before my laptop blew up. writing just isn't the same on this since it's not mine.

last night i had a dream. i don't remember much. except in it i got a haircut and i was very very happy. not just because of the haircut... i just was. it wasn't all happy though and someone died in the beginning of it. i also had the ability to fly. i've never had a sad flying dream.

Wednesday, March 27, 2002 | 10:24 p.m.

What is your meaning of life?

um ....right.

Wednesday, March 27, 2002 | 9:55 p.m.

...me soooooo haaawny!

Wednesday, March 27, 2002 | 9:18 p.m.

tyler sent this to me:

1. IF YOU COULD BUILD A HOUSE ANYWHERE, WHERE WOULD IT BE?
i've never wanted to own a house. "we're new yorkers. we rent"
2. What's THE MOST MEMORABLE THING YOU HAVE READ?
The Orton Diaries
3. WHAT'S YOUR FAVORITE ARTICLE OF CLOTHING?
jeans i got from a thrift store in the village. and my 'leccie' shirt (couldn't stop at one)
4. FAVORITE PHYSICAL FEATURE OF THE SAME & OPPOSITE SEX.
eyes, mouth
5. WHAT'S THE LAST CD YOU BOUGHT?
cd from a girl (susan cagle) who was playing in the subway at grand central
6. WHERE'S YOUR FAVORITE PLACE TO BE?
right where i am now. close to new york city
7. WHERE'S YOUR LEAST FAVORITE PLACE TO BE?
caribbean (specifically the rock i grew up on)
8. WHAT'S YOUR FAVORITE PLACE TO BE MASSAGED?
i'm weird. i don't like getting massages that much
9. WHAT'S MOST IMPORTANT, STRONG IN MIND OR STRONG IN BODY?
both
10. WHAT TIME DO YOU WAKE IN THE MORNING?
usually whenever i feel like it
11. WHAT'S YOUR FAVORITE TV SHOW?
Sex & The City
12. WHAT'S YOUR FAVORITE KITCHEN APPLIANCE?
microwave. can't 'cook' without one
13. WHAT'S YOUR FAVORITE CHILDHOOD MEMORY?
going to the beach with my family
14. WHAT MAKES YOU LAUGH?
lots of things. horny men for one
15. WHAT MAKES YOU REALLY ANGRY?
STUPID PEOPLE (i agree with tyler)
16. IF YOU COULD PLAY ANY INSTRUMENT, WHAT WOULD IT BE?
violin (i agree with tyler again)
17. WHAT IS YOUR FAVORITE RESTAURANT/CAFE/EATERY?
any Cosi in the city
18. SCARIEST MOMENT OF YOUR LIFE?
9-11-01 (i agree with tyler again. that and the time i almost choked to death on a butter scotch)
19. IF THERE WAS A MOVIE MADE ABOUT YOU, WHAT HOLLYWOOD STAR WOULD YOU LIKE TO PLAY YOU?
me! because i'm gonna be a hollywood star, damn it! *crazed look in eyes*
20. DO YOU BELIEVE IN AFTERLIFE?
NOPE
21. FAVORITE CHILDREN'S BOOK?
the 'Lil Miss' and 'Lil Mister' series
22. WHAT IS YOUR FAVORITE SEASON?
fall
23. WHAT'S YOUR LEAST FAVORITE HOUSEHOLD CHORE?
i don't think i have one. i'm a freak.
24. IF YOU COULD HAVE ONE SUPER POWER, WHAT WOULD IT BE?
to fly. (i agree with tyler)
25. IF YOU HAVE A TATTOO, WHAT IS IT?
i don't but i wanna get a small japanese symbol. like the symbol for 'strength'
26. CAN YOU JUGGLE?
no
27. THE SONG YOU WISHED YOU HAD WRITTEN?
Northen Lad by Tori Amos
28. THE ONE PERSON FROM YOUR PAST YOU WISH YOU COULD GO BACK AND TALK TO?
my highschool friend, maureen
29. DO YOU PREFER CATS OR DOGS?
dogs
30. WHAT'S IN THE TRUNK OF YOUR CAR?
i don't have a car
31. FROM THE PEOPLE YOU WILL EMAIL THIS TO, WHO'S MOST LIKELY TO RESPOND?
hell if i know
32. WHO'S LEAST LIKELY TO RESPOND?
see above
33. WHAT'S YOUR FAVORITE DAY?
Sunday
34. FAVORITE SONG TO SING?
Fade Into You by Mazzy Star
35. WHAT WORD(S) WOULD DESCRIBE YOU BEST?
cutely moronic?
36. SAY ONE NICE THING ABOUT THE PERSON WHO SENT THIS TO YOU?
he has a nice penis?
37. WHO IS YOUR FAVORITE SUPERHERO?
Sailor Moon.... (tsukini kawatte ... oshokyo!)

Wednesday, March 27, 2002 | 7:21 p.m.

i'm a online test whore and i'm also bjork.

Which Rock Chick Are You?

Wednesday, March 27, 2002 | 7:04 p.m.

fact #018: no matter how much of a jerk certain people are, you can't get them out of your system and you keep torturing yourself.

this is connected to fact#094.

Find out which LifeSaver you are.

Wednesday, March 27, 2002 | 12:07 a.m.

link: php tutorial

... no excuse now. start dagnabbit!

Wednesday, March 27, 2002 | 12:01 a.m.

joe 90
drive

bigger more powerful
and yet nobody knows
let's not forget to discuss
all of the freeloads

here is the car you drive
the window is open wide
many nice folks suggest
that we go for a drive

time doesn't know
what its time for us all to know

i like a yellow shirt
and i like orange shades
i like your green suede shoes
and all the sweaters you made

here is the car you drive
the window is open wide
many nice folks suggest
that we go for a drive

time doesn't know
what its time for us all to know

escape from the crowd
escape from the dark
escape from east berlin
escape from the planet earth
escape from the planet of the apes

here is the car you drive
the window is open wide
many nice folks suggest
that we go for a drive

time doesn't know
what its time for us all to know
we don't know nothing, nobody
no one at all

Tuesday, March 26, 2002 | 11:31 p.m.

i just have to see it and ... my breathing quickens. i wet my lips and then trace them with my finger. i run my fingers over the keyboard in front of me and pretend it's the ibook. i pretend it's the ibook and it's bliss.

...almost orgasmic.

mmmmm... new meaning of cyber se. x

Tuesday, March 26, 2002 | 11:21 p.m.

gwwaaaaar!! blaaaaaaaaargh! i miss my diary! it's just not the same! and this laptop ... writing on it just doesn't feel right. it doesn't. i can't wait to get my own laptop again.

ibook ... ibook.. . .ibook

Tuesday, March 26, 2002 | 10:38 p.m.

Find out which Buffy villian you are most like!
By calophi

Monday, March 25, 2002 | 2:28 a.m.

sameer (nj): not everyone wants to be a loner like you
sameer (nj): or I for that matter
wingd_pony: i know. i just don't like things mixed up
wingd_pony: if we're fucking ... we're fucking
wingd_pony: if we're friends ... we're friends
sameer (nj): not everyone thinks like that you know
wingd_pony: damn complicated earthlings

Sunday, March 24, 2002 | 10:45 p.m.

dune
who wants to live forever

there's no time for us
there's no place for us
what is this thing that builds our dreams
yet slips away from us

who wants to live forever
who wants to live forever

there's no chance for us
It's all decided for us
this world has only one
sweet moment set aside for us

who wants to live forever
who wants to live forever

but touch my tears with your lips
touch my world with your fingertips
and we can have forever
and we can love forever
forever is our today

who wants to live forever
who wants to live forever

who waits forever anyway

Sunday, March 24, 2002 | 8:03 p.m.

link: picto plasma

Sunday, March 24, 2002 | 6:54 p.m.

i miss george. i haven't seen him online all weekend. ggggrr i should be there with him.

Sunday, March 24, 2002 | 5:13 p.m.

can you make yourself ambidextrous? it has to be possible, right? i used to be ambidextrous up until i was about in the second grade. i probably just got lazy and went totally to my right hand. i practice sometimes with my left. like writing my name. i'm not bad. so i'm figuring, i'll just practice more. special .... dun dun duuun .... ambidextrous training. maybe i should've made that my new year's resolution.

Sunday, March 24, 2002 | 3:36 a.m.

excerpt from a new unplished diary entry: "...and then ... then this thing that looked like a flare appeared in the sky right over the city. bright red. beautiful bright red. i thought it odd and people started to mumble and gather to look. then it started falling. slowly at first. the whole sky turned bright red. the sky and the entire hudson river. the flare-like object fell. it was actually a bomb or something type of explosive and it fell over midtown. more appeared and everyone started panicking. i stood in shock for a minute. more bright red flare-like objects appeared over the city. i heard the sirens. the whole sky was bright red."

the whole dream was so vivid.

Sunday, March 24, 2002 | 3:13 a.m.

fact #018: humans know how cruel they are.

Sunday, March 24, 2002 | 1:47 a.m.

link: add boiling water

...is one of the trippiest things i've watched in a while. yet so interesting i had to blog it. i really need to learn flash, man.

Saturday, March 23, 2002 | 7:32 p.m.

link: september 11th memorial

Saturday, March 23, 2002 | 2:24 p.m.

link: club for goodlooking people...

... who apparently can't spell. this might be a joke but the scary thing is, this is new york city and people are extremely shallow here.

Friday, March 22, 2002 | 11:21 a.m.

to go upstate to geneva this weekend ... or not to go?! ugh!

Friday, March 22, 2002 | 1:17 a.m.

.. **.* . .
....*sparkly. . .*..*
**.... . *.... . ..*.
.. . .* .. .

...such a cool song*

Thursday, March 21, 2002 | 11:38 p.m.

i © hope sandoval

Thursday, March 21, 2002 | 11:22 p.m.

it's only $61. i'll be able to see him. go up really early saturday morning. come back late sunday night. and i can do that this weekend. i can see him this weekend. how cool would that be?

Thursday, March 21, 2002 | 11:17 p.m.

Tuesday, March 19, 2002 | 12:58 a.m.

sigur ros
starálfur ...a staring elf

blá nótt yfir ...blue night over
himininn ...the sky
blá nótt ...blue night
yfir mér ...over me
horf'út um gluggann ...look out this window
minn međ hendur ...of mine with hands
faldar undir kinn ...hidden under my cheeks
ugs'um daginn minn ....think of my day
í dag og í gćr ...today and yesterday
blá náttfötin ...these blue pyjamas
klćđa mig í ...dress me into
beint upp í rúm ...straight into bed
breidi mjúku ...cover the soft
sćngina ...quilt
loka augunum ...shut my eyes
ég fel hausinn ...i hide my head
undir sćng ...under the quilt
starir á mig ...staring at me
lítill álfur ...a little elf
hleypur ađ mér ...runs towards me
en hreyfist ekki ...but doesn't move
úr stađ .....out of place
sjálfur .....myself
starálfur ...starelf
opna augun ...open my eyes
stírurnar úr ...glares out
teygi mig ...strech myself
og tel ........and presume
--hvort ég sé ekki-- ...--wether i've not--
kominn aftur ...come back
og allt allt í lć ...and all - all is o.k.
samt vantar eitthvađ ...yet something's missing
--eins og alla veggina-- ...--like all the walls--
starir á mig ...staring at me
lítill álfur ...a little elf
hleypur ađ mér ...uns towards me
en hreyfist ekki ...but doesn't move
úr stađ .....out of place
sjálfur .....myself
ég er .........i am



**lyrics translated on messageboard at the official sigur ros website.

Monday, March 18, 2002 | 10:51 p.m.

on aim a while ago while talking about web design and development:

wingdboi: page design. there's no homesite for mac is there?
......edited
husani: no, there's BBEdit, which is almost as good as homesite
wingdboi: oh cool
wingdboi: aaawww ... it looks cute :-)
husani: i *hate* bbedit. used it years ago at @&^#&%* when i was forced to use a mac. but its good
wingdboi: i swear .... sometimes i read back what i write to you and i see a 16 year old girl who likes the color pink and kittens, trying to get into design and would make smiley faces for dots in my i's
husani: ROFL
husani: no comment. :P
wingdboi: lol then it's settled. i'm not the only one who sees it
wingdboi: lol remind me never to come to your office again
husani: hahahahaah

Monday, March 18, 2002 | 3:08 a.m.

there are too many people on this blue planet who remind me of how sad my life is. there should really only be two per person. if that were the case, i'd be way over my limit.

Monday, March 18, 2002 | 12:13 a.m.

everybody thinks they're a fuckin' psychic this weekend. i hate when people do that to me. they're always waaaaay off. way... waaaaay off.

Sunday, March 17, 2002 | 11:44 p.m.

michelle branch
all you wanted

i wanted to be like you
i wanted everything
so i tried to be like you
and i got swept away

i didn't know that it was so cold
and you needed someone to show you the way
so i took your hand and we figured out
that when the tide comes i'd take you away

if you want to
i can save you
i can take you away from here
so lonely inside
so busy out there
and all you wanted was somebody who cares

i'm sinking slowly
so hurry hold me
your hand is all i have to keep me hanging on
please can you tell me
so i can finally see
where you go when you're gone

if you want to
i can save you
i can take you away from here
so lonely inside
so busy out there
and all you wanted was somebody who cares

all you wanted was somebody who cares
if you need me you know i'll be there
oh, yeah

if you want to
i can save you
i can take you away from here
so lonely inside
so busy out there
and all you wanted was somebody who cares

please can you tell me
so i can finally see
where you go when you're gone

Sunday, March 17, 2002 | 11:29 p.m.

an hour even!

Sunday, March 17, 2002 | 11:27 p.m.

i bet i won't last a day.

Sunday, March 17, 2002 | 11:22 p.m.

... and so begins 'no men week'.

Saturday, March 16, 2002 | 1:10 a.m.

note to self: read more of jwinokur.diaryland.com

when i have time.

cool link